d12 Table of High Fantasy Gay Bar Patrons

 ...because i'm still in the closet in my real-life games, so my faithful readers will have to put up with this instead.

1. The crown prince wearing a terrible false moustache. Tall, regal bearing, but nervous as heck, constantly looking over his shoulder, flinches at the slightest touch. This isn’t his first time here; the other patrons usually play along.
   
   
2. High-elf leather-daddy with handlebar moustache. Vegetarian, his accoutrements are actually mycelial “leather”. Main kink is spanking willing submissives with mage hand when they least expect it while they’re performing various errands for him.
   
   
3. High-femme dwarf in Marie Antoinette-style fashion. Her wig has a foot-long model spelljamming ship as a centrepiece. It is actually armed and capable of flight, though not of interstellar travel.
   
   
4. Thri-kreen drag queen, mock-devouring the head of one of her burlesque backup dancers. The most fearsome fighter here, usually the one to show violent patrons, obvious cops planning on entrapment, and wannabe-blackmailers the door.
   
   
5. A shy halfling from an outer rural province. Their first time in the city, they’ve sneaked away from their traveling merchant uncle for the night. Has a double of whiskey sitting on the table because they’ve read somewhere that people call it “liquid courage”. Sneaks looks at people they think are cute, but eyes constantly dart back to check no-one’s spiked their drink.
   
   
6. Orc twink in cloth-of-gold hotpants. Thick eyebrows, oiled hair, hates jokes about barbarian orcish endurance. Likes to flaunt the booty, but he’s not really into hookups. People who chat him up quickly get trapped in an animated, one-sided conversation about his ideas for siege weapons, him being unaware of how he may be boring someone who was just looking for a good root.
   
   
7. Plump, fluffy, topless tabaxi with nipple piercings all the way down. She’s asexual, here for the music and conviviality. Has a reputation for being a mom-friend, particularly to outsiders & people new in town. Has particular scorn for [11], would love to eat his trained mice fight in front of his stupid creeper face.
   
   
8. Big hulking bisexual crabman. Audible snickering from other patrons wondering how he’s supposed to get anyone off with those claws, and what does he even have down there anyway. Eyestalks looking down at his drink, which sits in a special oversized wooden sippy-cup that the sympathetic bartender carved for him.
   
   
9. Two snail-folk, madly in love. They’re caressing each other’s shells, each trying to surreptitiously shank the other with a love-dart to determine who gets to top tonight.
   
   
10. Kitsune (human form, with subtle vulpine features) in immaculate finery gently filing his claws while giving a sly grin at a random PC. Styled eyebrows, short auburn hair with widow’s peak, habitually licks his teeth. He absolutely refuses to do it in fox-form.
    
    
11. Gnome wizard who enchants people’s clothing to flag sexual preference, but only in proximity of a compatible flag. Long braided salt-and-pepper beard, mottled green robes with a sharp odour of cheese. A half-dozen trained mice who he can communicate with are nestled in his beard and robes. A total sleaze, will accept coin but continually suggests customers can pay with sexual favours.
    
    
12. T R O U G H M A N, a being from the Quasielemental Plane of Salt. T R O U G H M A N emanates a psionic aura that prevents people from referring to T R O U G H M A N with pronouns. Hungry for the salts of mortals, T R O U G H M A N lies in the urinals offering minor planar treasures for people to piss on T R O U G H M A N.